WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A WOMAN OF INFLUENCE?

 The title of what I want to talk about today is ‘What Does It Mean To Be A Woman Of Influence?’ understanding what influence means at this time in our culture and see how we can understand it and harness it for good in our work, our businesses and lives.

It’s a familiar word right now, right? Influence. Influencer. It’s a hot topic, has actually become a job title for some people, used in linked in profiles and Instagram profiles. According to agency Mediakix, influencer market value on Instagram alone is projected to rise from £2.3bn in 2020 to £12.5. in 2022.

Influencers with over 1 million followers have an engagement rate of 1.21%.

I want to caveat this post by letting you know that this is not a talk about the benefits or dangers of influencer marketing – this is so much bigger than that. There is no shame to be scattered here today. But influence as a concept has got me really curious because I feel like right now at this time in culture, it’s a word that’s skewed and it’s significant that we understand what it means and how we can harness it to do some good in the world. Some good that our world desperately needs.

I’m hoping that what I share here will give us all some insight into what it means to cultivate influence in a way that actually makes a difference - that shifts us away from the idea of influence being about consuming and see it more through the lens of contribution or contributing.

I want us to discover the essence of influence and how it can reveal something true and good about ourselves and the culture we live and operate in.

A few years ago I spent some time interviewing people from all walks of life to find out what influence really means to them; what or who they think about when they consider who or what has been most influential to their lives. And then breaking down what it was about those people or those situations that shaped them.

I distilled all of the information I gathered and what emerged was really fascinating and I want to share with you where it took me.  But before I do –I want you to think of the things or the people that have been most influential to you. The people that have shaped you, left a lasting impact, have shown you something true about yourself. What were the qualities of that person? What made them significant?

For most of us, when we reflect on those influential people, it’s REALLY personal. It’s grandmothers, mentors, parents, teachers and people who have had direct access into our lives. There is a really personal layer to what makes someone influential in our lives. That’s personal influence.

What about social influence. Who are the thinkers, leaders, innovators that are shaping our view of the world and culture? Who are the people in that realm that are showing us something good and true? That’s another layer of influence, social influence.

Both personal and social influences can have an enormous impact on us and right now, as my research developed, there were 3 themes that seemed to be emerging as the most significant attributes of someone who is influential in both of these realms. There are 3 pillars that seem to cross over both the personal and social influence that we find most significant in our lives and I want to share them with you today.

The first one is INTUITION.

People of significant personal and social influence are acutely tuned into their own intuition.

This first pillar of influence came out of responses I got from people like:

-        They had a strong sense of self

-        They seemed to be able to try things and fail and get back up again.

-        They had really deep convictions about things.

-        They stepped outside of the noise and walked their own path.

What seems to be coming up over and over is that people who are personally and socially influential to us are those that are not swayed by the status quo. They are able to access an inner sense of self, of calling, of responsibility and move in that direction.

We live in such a noisy world. There are a million ways that we can be swayed and so many voices that are ready to tell us who we should be and what we should be doing or buying or being. What seems to be significant is that people of personal and social influence are those that can cut through the noise and develop a practice of listening to their own thoughts and ideas, accessing their own wisdom, knowledge and understanding and move through the world with that as their driving force.

INTUITION.

 The second pillar that is coming up is INTEGRITY.

 Responses that came up that have formed this pillar were:

-        They were consistent with me.

-        What you see is what you get with them.

-        They were the same in real life as they are online.

-        They showed up for me when things were hard.

-        They always held on to what they believed in even when other people didn’t care or understand.

What’s coming out of the research is that INTEGRITY is a foundational quality of someone who is personally or socially influential.

It is one thing to have intuition, but the step after actively tuning into our intuition and being assured of our own wisdom is acting on it.

To me, this integrity isn’t about outer platforms – it’s about an inner posture. It isn’t about reach or popularity, it’s about depth and sincerity.

People that influence us in significant ways, in ways that bring out the good and the true things in the world are people of integrity. One of my favourite quotes is by an author turned marketing expert called Donald Miller and he says “what you believe, isn’t what you say you believe. What you believe is what you do”. Let me say that again.

This is integrity. Showing up, even when things are hard, doing the work of being a flawed human, trusting our intuition and our own mind and living out the things we believe in.

 The final third pillar that I can see emerging is IMPACT.

 People of great personal and social influence have a lasting impact. And not only have an impact, but know that their actions and their movements in the world have an impact.

The responses that formed this pillar were things like:

-        She believed in me.

-        They made me feel seen and heard.

-        They called out something in me that I thought I had lost and I was able to see myself in that light again.

-        They put language to the things that I had always thought but didn’t know how to articulate.

-        He shone a light on something that I didn’t know what happening.

-        Their example paved the way for others.

-        They tried this way of doing things and it helped so many people, including me.

IMPACT. Small impacts, enormous impacts, but impact all the same. People of personal and social influence understand that they have the power to have a positive impact on the people and world around them and they take that responsibility seriously. They see the small things that make a big difference. They bring light to the dark places for other people and in the world around us.

We don’t need more popular people. We need more people of influence of THIS kind. We don’t need more people scrambling for space, clambering over each other to be seen. We need more people taking up spaces in the world and harnessing their intuition, integrity and impact. The people who are going to create really lasting, important things in the world will have these three things evident in their life.

And it’s my belief that if we can do the inner work of cultivating our intuition, our integrity and our impact, that our scope to leave the world and the people in it better than we found it is immeasurable.

As always you can reach out to me with any thoughts on IG or email. Feel free to share with your friends or on social media. And ill see you next time.

ETHICAL MARKETING IN A SCARCITY CULTURE

 Today I want to get stuck in right away and talk a little bit about what it means to market your business, your products, under services in a way that doesn't give the Eck.

The reason that I want to talk about this is because marketing your business especially if you're a woman is really tricky. It can bring up all sorts of insecurities about being visible being seen being heard putting yourself out there etc.

And then when you add in the different methods of marketing that maybe don't feel aligned with our values it's no wonder that we find it hard and it feels gross and we resist doing it often.

I want you to know that it doesn't actually have to be this way. I really believe that when we are honest and true to ourselves our marketing can come from a place of integrity truth value and impact to stop so today I want to talk about some of the more unsavoury ways that I see marketing happening that are usually based in scarcity rather than values.

I want you to know that I'm not saying these things to call anybody out or to position myself as someone who would never do these things because I have.

There are particular things that I'm going to talk about today that I have tried in the past.

There are things that I have thrown at the wall in the name of marketing to see if they actually do work.

But just because something might work doesn't mean that it's aligned.

Just because a marketing tactic brings in sales doesn't actually mean that it truly feels good and is in integrity for you as the business owner.

So I say these things today in the full awareness that we're all just taking a punt and we're all just trying to get our products and services out there where people can see them and buy them and invest in them and try them and use them.

But I also want to suggest some alternatives to some of the marketing approaches that I feel come from a place of making people feel bad, making people feel behind, making people feel less than enough in order to push them to purchase.

 Scarcity marketing tactic number 1:

Countdown timers and rushing

(don’t make people buy out of panic – you can create incentives to buy without unsettling the nervous system of potential customers) Getting people to move faster than they are ready.

Unjustified bonuses for moving fast

Again, stop hustling people. When customers nervous systems are triggered, of course they are going to either move fast or freeze, but what If you didn’t try to move people along faster than they need to.

Yes, people AND business owners need deadlines for their products – we can’t not give deadlines if we truly need them or want them in place. If you truly need a cut off time for getting people to buy or sign up, be up front about it. Share why!

Longer decision making periods (why you need to plan your offers out well) – I had an old boss that used to always say  “A lack of planning on your part does not consist in an emergency on my part”

Plan your offers out well so that you give your customers plenty of heads up to plan their decision etc. Be consistent in how

 Scarcity marketing tactic number 2:

Sales page CRAP

Don’t make people work hard to know what your thing is all about. Stop the overwhelming copy. It’s too much. A sales page is a placeholder for your product, not the nuance and entirety of it.

Also on sales pages – if you are a service based business, using words like ‘transformational’ or ‘safe space’ or other absolutes that you just cannot guarantee is not OK.

These words cannot be used anymore, it’s unfair and unethical.

It’s unfair to make sweeping statements that sound like they are available for everyone when actually there is much more nuance to that. Everyone will approach your product with a set of privileges that will allow them to experience the service at different levels. You cannot promise someone something without knowing the nuance of their situation.

Something else I see on sales pages is people making it all about them

Going through a whole scroll down of their business credentials, history, why their brand name is what it is. Honestly – people don’t care and you are centreing yourself. Keep it simple, short and clear.

To give credibility to your work have plenty of testimonials that place the client at the centre of the work, their words, their experience with the product or service, not you inflating it with elaborate wording.

Be clear. Express the value you imagine it will bring. Speak to how it has impacted other people, how it has delighted them, empowered them, changed things for them etc. Copy doesn’t have to be manipulative when the value is clear and the results of other people do the talking.

Playing on or exploiting feelings/not using FOMO

You don’t need to go hard on the making people feel shit so they buy your product thing. Speak to the feelings that you know your product can bring – don’t make people dwell on the pain points you are highlighting.

SHE LOVES HERSELF

I have an almost six year old daughter and she is every bit the typical six year old little girl. She loves singing and dancing and performing for us. There is a lot of ‘mummy watch!’ going on in our living room.

She loves to sit with me when I’m doing my make up and try things on and give herself a wee bit of blusher or lipstick. And I let her, because I know that right now in her little mind, all she is doing is mimicking her mum and trying things out. She doesn’t yet have the loaded views of beauty and societal beauty norms that I have where I am trying to cover certain parts of my face up or improve my looks – she is literally just playing.

And I so badly want things to stay in that playful place for her.

And it’s funny because every so often I am really triggered by my six year olds freedom around herself. Her full acceptance of her body, her face, her personality, her skills.

She moves through the world so unphased, so free. When she receives a compliment she doesn’t batt it away, she welcomes it “I know I am” she says.

It’s almost audacious that you would think otherwise to her.

She expresses her needs when she’s hungry or tired. She asks for what she wants. She refuses to do the things she doesn’t want to do. She wants you to see her and asks that you do. She hopes for your attention.

It’s so wild to me how far removed we become from this version of ourselves as we grow up and become women.

We don’t know how to say what we need. We are scared to. We are afraid to ask for what we want, in case we seem pushy or needy. We do things we don’t want to do because we don’t want to let people down or because we know it will make others happy with us and keep us in the good books.

We step out of the camera lens, we offer to take the picture instead. We share other peoples ideas instead of our own. We recoil at attention even though deep down we want to be seen and known. It’s almost as though as the years roll on we transform from these liberated little girls and become smaller and smaller versions of ourselves.

Sometimes I even find myself (and I consider myself to be a strong feminist with a good nose for bullshit) I find myself cringing that she could be so content with herself, almost wanting to make sure she doesn’t get carried away with it. I have to stop myself from curbing her self-acceptance in a weird way.

At six years old, my daughter really and truly loves herself. I wonder how many can say the same at 36.

I’ve been in enough rooms and conversations to know that ‘she loves herself’ usually isn’t the kind of comment you want to welcome. Because what we’ve heard it said about is usually someone who isn’t playing small.

Usually we say it about someone who shows confidence in themselves, or who shows up for themselves, or who navigates or moves in the world with some sort of self assurance and that rattles us.

So the words that we use to diminish her are: she loves herself.

And I think to myself. What do we really want her to do instead? Hate herself? Ignore herself? Numb herself out to her body and her desires?

I guess when women spend their lives hating themselves, thinking that they are broken or fat or ugly or not gifted, capitalism and patriarchy wins. It wins because we step away from our gifts, not wanting to be seen.

It wins because we spend our time and money trying to fix ourselves, our bodies, our skin and lining the pockets of the already wealthy.

What would it look like if we reframed ‘She loves herself’ and came around that idea in celebration.

What would it look like if we gave other women permission to be as audaciously loving towards themselves as my six year old is? What would it mean if we started using ‘she loves herself’ as something to aim for rather than a phrase to take someone down a peg.

What would it mean for you to decide to love yourself some more. To not swat away compliments. To not fixate on your appearance. To not justify your presence or point out your flaws.

What would it mean for you to stand tall in your giftings, to take up some more space in family conversations or in the workplace. What would it mean for you to be in the picture, to ask for some space, to share your ideas and be seen.

What would it look like for you to reclaim, in your own way, she loves herself.

CHOOSE YOUR HARD

So what I want to talk about today is the idea of choosing your hard and being loyal to yourself.

I see this a lot with the women that I work with. They come to me, we do some work together, we untangle some fears, some goals, some desires, they decide on a way to move forward or they discover something they want to achieve in their business and they are super excited about it. It feels aligned.

They have admitted some deep desires and we create a beautiful roadmap for how they are going to bring it to life.

And then it comes to actually take an action on that thing and usually it's around the time where they have to start talking about their ideas where they have to start promoting a new product where they have to start sharing with their community or audience new things that they are developing or thinking about and the resistance starts to set in.

Now there is always a reason for resistance and it's usually avoid risk or vulnerability and wanting to feel emotionally safe psychologically safe. Which is, of course amazing and important.

And that is the beautiful and intelligent thing about our brains. It is super concerned for our safety. That is always at the forefront and so it makes sense that when we are considering doing something new or when we are moving into new territory in our life or relationships or our work that our brain senses vulnerability in wants to keep us safe wants to try and protect us from the vulnerability and the risk of failure the risk of rejection the risk of the unknown.

But what our brain isn't really concerned with is fulfilment it isn't really concerned with trying something that we are feeling called or moved towards.

And so when my clients come to me and they talk to me about how they are resisting putting their work out there or asking people to buy from them to connect with them and they start to talk about doing other things or planning other things usually my challenge to them is to thank their brain for trying to keep them safe and then also to let them know that it's time for them to choose their hard.

It's time for you to choose your hard.

Because in any situation we where you're putting your most truest ideas out there into the big world for other people to see, to judge, to have opinions on - the two options that are facing you are both going to be hard options.

1. to shrink back and decide to not do the thing to not talk about the thing to shy away

2. to go ahead and talk about the thing to share about it to move ahead with your idea.

Both of those options are hard.

On one hand if we go ahead and move toward the hard part is the unknown if it's gonna work if people will buy it if it connects if it makes sense that level of ability is on his harsh

And on the other hand not moving towards the thing shrinking back staying (sometimes it's required when we really need to feel safe and we're not in an emotional place to address those risks) but sometimes sitting back shrinking hiding playing about behind the scenes and not ever putting our ideas out there is actually hard also because it means that we are not being faithful and loyal to the to the thing that has been bubbling up inside us.

Once out, the thing that needs air and breath around it, that route is hard as well, that route can also lead to real feelings of difficulty and resentment and betrayal to yourself.

And so if both of these options are difficult we get to choose - do we choose the option that's difficult and moves us away from our idea? Or do we choose the option to move towards the thing, knowing that it brings risk?

But this option is where you get to be really loyal to yourself or you get to be faithful to your ideas where you get to show up for yourself and follow through on the things that have been calling to you.

I wonder if you’re in spot right now where you need to move forward and it’s feeling hard. I want you to know that you get to choose which hard right now. The one that moves you away from your ideas, or the hard way that moves you into alignment with the stuff you are feeling called to move towards.