THE TRUTH ABOUT BEING AN INFLUENCER

I don't know how long you’ve been following along in terms of the work that I do or what I share, but if you were around pre-pandemic, you may have seen that I had a little bit of time where I was exploring the idea of influence. I went on a bit of a quest to explore what it means in culture today; to break open the word and dig out all the flesh that we have put around it and try to find out what is at its core – the real juicy stuff.

And I got somewhere with it. Somewhere surprising. It was exciting to lift the layers and see what’s underneath all the trappings of influence that we have created for ourselves. (sidenote: what we have created - not wonderful)

You see, for the majority of my early career I was involved in activism work. Working with charities, running charity projects, advocating, lobbying, creating movements for change. I’ve met people along the way that have shaped my idea of influence while working in that world. I’ve witnessed a hunger for influence in the social justice sphere and been fascinated at how the power dynamics work when working for systemic change. I’ve seen what it takes for shifts to happen in the policy room or the campaign planning session; how influence is used – in healthy and unhealthy ways.  Yes. The non-profit sector is not always healthy. Activism is not always healthy. Crazy, right? Imagine.

And then of course in the last several years I’ve also been building my own business, one that largely operates online. And I believe that my business holds closely the same values as my non-profit work – empowering, advocating and opening conversations about systemic issues that have held women and girls back and creating connections so they can flourish – but this time my medium for this work has changed. I’ve been immersed in the world of social media, working to have my message heard there, connecting with others who are doing the same. And I’ve noticed that to have influence in this sphere requires very different trappings and associations and what is held up as influential when it comes to the online world has sometimes left a lot to desire. For me, anyway.

Both of these worlds have been fascinating to be part of and what influence looks like and what it takes to acquire it are very contrasting from one to the other. Not better. Not more effective. Just different.

In one world, influence is largely about who you know at the top.

In the other world, influence is largely about how many people are looking.

In one world, influence is about needing to be an expert in your field.

In the other world, influence can be gained by staging expertise or being the loudest in the room.

In one world, influence is mastered by having firm boundaries.

In the other world, influence is largely gained by blurred personal/private lines.

There are so many contrasts to it all.

How does influence work so differently in one area to another?

Are there common threads that run through both?

A couple of years back while I was exploring this more deeply,  I asked my friends on Instagram to think about who has truly been influential in their lives. I wanted to know what the top qualities of that person were that made them so significantly influential to them.

The answers to this came in thick and fast and it would seem that the people who have been incredible influences on our lives are quite close to our minds, easy to recount.

I paid close attention to the responses and what fascinated me was that there were some recurring themes. Themes that I spent some time sorting through to make sense of.

What occurred to me in sifting through this all, these personal lived experiences of being influenced by someone else is that influence isn’t actually about what happens on the outside.

Influence seems to be an inside job.

Being a person of influence isn’t something that you can cajole or project - it’s an inner work that makes it’s way out and seems to have depth to it that makes it last a long time..

As I looked through all the data and the interviews and research I did back then, I thought it would be encourage to share with you some of the life-changing things that emerged in my findings about the inside out idea of influence. You may want to make notes for this one. Be challenged and hopeful.

• Influence isn’t actually about outer platforms – it’s about an inner posture.

People shared with me about their secondary school teachers, their grandparents, their foster mums, their neighbours who didnt necessarily have some sort of wild following or fame, but their inner landscape was so rich and magnetic that it left a lasting impact on them. It inspired them or comforted them so much so that they hold that person in such high regard as someone who continues to influence how they live their lives and show up for others. 

• Influence isn’t about momentary notoriety – it’s about long-term dedication.

Often these stories about people who have been influential were about long term witnessing of integrity. There was no real fan fare but a deep knowledge of someone being a consistent and steady presence. 

• Influence isn’t about power – it’s about contribution.

All of these people mentioned as being influential seemed to have some sort of willingness to contribute with intention. They seemed to recognise their significance in the relationship and wanted to add value to other peoples lives. It never came up that someone was influential because they had power or because they could get them further up a ladder - it was about an investment in the wellbeing of the persons life.

• Influence isn’t about reach, it’s about depth.

Integrity plays a big part here. Those reflections were often about admiring the persons responses to difficulties in life and learning from that example. It wasn’t about how many people loved them, it was about the depth of character that they could see and feel.

• Influence isn’t about accumulation, it’s about generosity.

Similarly, there was a huge amount of generosity mentioned in these interviews and responses - the people that had great influence tended to be those that, wether wealthy or not - were generous with their time, generous in their relationship. And that seemed to count for a lot more.

• Influence isn’t about perfecting who we are, it’s about becoming who we are.

No one claimed these people to be perfect - and in some instances, there was discussion of how the person actually had changed over time or transformed in a way from situations of difficulty and chaos into creating a life that was meaningful and had purpose. There was never any illusion that they were perfect people or that that was even important, but that they could see their evolution as inspiring.

• Influence isn’t about striving, it’s about ease.

I heard phrases like ‘they had a peaceful presence’ or they were a safe space, which felt like an important thing to note - it seems like people of true lasting influence are not always striving or trying to earn their place - they seem to be able to be present and a true person of calm.

These are life-changing truths because they tip our cultures idea of influence on it’s head.

I would love for this definition of influence  - the ones that have emerged based on the stories of real people I heard about, to be the new rebrand of the word. I love that this definition means that we don’t have to wait for numbers and figures to have an impact. We don’t have to show up perfectly or expertly or loudly. We don’t have to wait for some sort of status. We get to have an impact on people now - we get to influence each other now.. We get to do the inner work that brings integrity back into a world that so badly needs some now. This could just be the relief we all need to keep perspective in a world that can be so loud, so distracted by shiny things. 

As always, I’m here - willing to chat more - you can email me hello@melwiggins.com or catch me on IG or my email list  if you want to hear more on this - Sign up below!

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• Over the summer I have a few spaces available for VIP Days. If you need a more in depth burst of strategy and clarity but are short on time, join me for an in-person (or virtual online) day of getting clear, strategic and excited about the next stage of your business. These days have been amazing for my clients. We solve problems, generate new ideas and ways of working and have the best time doing it.

• Join my Brand Builder Group Programme! It is GLORIOUS! I've been running this programme ongoing for the last year and it really is so special. It's part self-learning, part live group-coaching and right now I have a beautiful group of female business owners going through the modules to help them create super sonic clarity, greater self-belief and ways of working that completely change the game for their energy and goals in their businesses. If you'd like to hear more about it, click the link in the shownotes or let's find a time to chat about where things are at for you and if this could be the right next step in developing you and your work. There is a link to Book a call with me in the show notes as well. ​

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WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A WOMAN OF INFLUENCE?

 The title of what I want to talk about today is ‘What Does It Mean To Be A Woman Of Influence?’ understanding what influence means at this time in our culture and see how we can understand it and harness it for good in our work, our businesses and lives.

It’s a familiar word right now, right? Influence. Influencer. It’s a hot topic, has actually become a job title for some people, used in linked in profiles and Instagram profiles. According to agency Mediakix, influencer market value on Instagram alone is projected to rise from £2.3bn in 2020 to £12.5. in 2022.

Influencers with over 1 million followers have an engagement rate of 1.21%.

I want to caveat this post by letting you know that this is not a talk about the benefits or dangers of influencer marketing – this is so much bigger than that. There is no shame to be scattered here today. But influence as a concept has got me really curious because I feel like right now at this time in culture, it’s a word that’s skewed and it’s significant that we understand what it means and how we can harness it to do some good in the world. Some good that our world desperately needs.

I’m hoping that what I share here will give us all some insight into what it means to cultivate influence in a way that actually makes a difference - that shifts us away from the idea of influence being about consuming and see it more through the lens of contribution or contributing.

I want us to discover the essence of influence and how it can reveal something true and good about ourselves and the culture we live and operate in.

A few years ago I spent some time interviewing people from all walks of life to find out what influence really means to them; what or who they think about when they consider who or what has been most influential to their lives. And then breaking down what it was about those people or those situations that shaped them.

I distilled all of the information I gathered and what emerged was really fascinating and I want to share with you where it took me.  But before I do –I want you to think of the things or the people that have been most influential to you. The people that have shaped you, left a lasting impact, have shown you something true about yourself. What were the qualities of that person? What made them significant?

For most of us, when we reflect on those influential people, it’s REALLY personal. It’s grandmothers, mentors, parents, teachers and people who have had direct access into our lives. There is a really personal layer to what makes someone influential in our lives. That’s personal influence.

What about social influence. Who are the thinkers, leaders, innovators that are shaping our view of the world and culture? Who are the people in that realm that are showing us something good and true? That’s another layer of influence, social influence.

Both personal and social influences can have an enormous impact on us and right now, as my research developed, there were 3 themes that seemed to be emerging as the most significant attributes of someone who is influential in both of these realms. There are 3 pillars that seem to cross over both the personal and social influence that we find most significant in our lives and I want to share them with you today.

The first one is INTUITION.

People of significant personal and social influence are acutely tuned into their own intuition.

This first pillar of influence came out of responses I got from people like:

-        They had a strong sense of self

-        They seemed to be able to try things and fail and get back up again.

-        They had really deep convictions about things.

-        They stepped outside of the noise and walked their own path.

What seems to be coming up over and over is that people who are personally and socially influential to us are those that are not swayed by the status quo. They are able to access an inner sense of self, of calling, of responsibility and move in that direction.

We live in such a noisy world. There are a million ways that we can be swayed and so many voices that are ready to tell us who we should be and what we should be doing or buying or being. What seems to be significant is that people of personal and social influence are those that can cut through the noise and develop a practice of listening to their own thoughts and ideas, accessing their own wisdom, knowledge and understanding and move through the world with that as their driving force.

INTUITION.

 The second pillar that is coming up is INTEGRITY.

 Responses that came up that have formed this pillar were:

-        They were consistent with me.

-        What you see is what you get with them.

-        They were the same in real life as they are online.

-        They showed up for me when things were hard.

-        They always held on to what they believed in even when other people didn’t care or understand.

What’s coming out of the research is that INTEGRITY is a foundational quality of someone who is personally or socially influential.

It is one thing to have intuition, but the step after actively tuning into our intuition and being assured of our own wisdom is acting on it.

To me, this integrity isn’t about outer platforms – it’s about an inner posture. It isn’t about reach or popularity, it’s about depth and sincerity.

People that influence us in significant ways, in ways that bring out the good and the true things in the world are people of integrity. One of my favourite quotes is by an author turned marketing expert called Donald Miller and he says “what you believe, isn’t what you say you believe. What you believe is what you do”. Let me say that again.

This is integrity. Showing up, even when things are hard, doing the work of being a flawed human, trusting our intuition and our own mind and living out the things we believe in.

 The final third pillar that I can see emerging is IMPACT.

 People of great personal and social influence have a lasting impact. And not only have an impact, but know that their actions and their movements in the world have an impact.

The responses that formed this pillar were things like:

-        She believed in me.

-        They made me feel seen and heard.

-        They called out something in me that I thought I had lost and I was able to see myself in that light again.

-        They put language to the things that I had always thought but didn’t know how to articulate.

-        He shone a light on something that I didn’t know what happening.

-        Their example paved the way for others.

-        They tried this way of doing things and it helped so many people, including me.

IMPACT. Small impacts, enormous impacts, but impact all the same. People of personal and social influence understand that they have the power to have a positive impact on the people and world around them and they take that responsibility seriously. They see the small things that make a big difference. They bring light to the dark places for other people and in the world around us.

We don’t need more popular people. We need more people of influence of THIS kind. We don’t need more people scrambling for space, clambering over each other to be seen. We need more people taking up spaces in the world and harnessing their intuition, integrity and impact. The people who are going to create really lasting, important things in the world will have these three things evident in their life.

And it’s my belief that if we can do the inner work of cultivating our intuition, our integrity and our impact, that our scope to leave the world and the people in it better than we found it is immeasurable.

As always you can reach out to me with any thoughts on IG or email. Feel free to share with your friends or on social media. And ill see you next time.