OPERATING FROM A PLACE OF REST

I love to work hard. I love to bring ideas to life and to dream and scheme and do. 

This is a huge part of my make-up and personality. My brain is wired for action and ideas and this is a gift to me, I know that. I get huge fulfilment from the 'doing' but lately I've been on a path of learning the importance of rest; but maybe not rest as I once knew it.

Our culture isn't a big promoter of rest is it? We are often encouraged to hustle, to do more, have more, be more. Work harder, faster, stronger, longer - achieve achieve achieve.  On the other hand, rest can sometimes sounds like this elusive thing that is only ever achievable if you have no responsibilities or ambition. Jobs can be relentless. Parenting can be relentless. Is it really a case of either working hard and resting hard? I don't think either of these binary ways of thinking are helpful or healthy. There is burn-out waiting around the corner and rest happening from a place of burn out is not rest. It is recovery. I don't know about you but I don't want to recover from my life. 

Rest doesn't always sound very exciting either does it? Maybe for you it sounds like stopping or waiting or hesitation and maybe even for some of us - weakness. 

I've had a bit of an awakening to what rest looks like for me - a bit of a stirring of realisation.

Ethically made, toasty wool slippers c/o Baabuk. Couldn't be without them. (Use 'Melanie10' for discount if you want to grab yourself a pair)

I'm starting to wonder if rest is even something that you necessarily have to 'do' - you have a busy season in work or home life and then you take a period to rest. That feels too cyclic for me; too up and down. I have been on this very train a thousand times and it doesn't feel good any more. So now I wonder if rest is something that you can inhabit rather than do. I wonder if rest is actually a state that you can embrace and operate from rather than resort to. I wonder if it's less about stopping but is actually about adopting a different way of moving in the world that is less frantic, fearful and unnecessarily busy. Isn't that something we are all craving? 

Here's what operating from a place of rest might actually mean for us:

- saying no to things that aren't the most important so you can have space do what you love.

- only posting on social media when you have something of value to offer - not because you are afraid of being forgotten about. 

- not getting distracted by what other people are doing - being really clear about what your goals, your desires and your ambitions are.

- scheduling in time to do things that nourish you. 

- not apologising if you haven't gotten back to someone right away. There are no less than 15 ways that people can get hold of us these days - it's not OK to feel obliged to respond all of the time.

- doing things you love without thinking about how productive is it (this is one I struggle with a lot).

- not feeling guilty when you do nothing because your body is telling you not to.

- not feeling guilty when you are working or playing hard because you love what you are doing and you have the energy to do it.

- having more clarity about who you are, who is important to you, what you really love to do instead of moving from one thing, person, task to the next because of fear or obligation.

I recognise that the term 'rest' comes with some baggage and might seem idealistic - life has demands and comes with responsibility so this isn't about switching off from that but about having healthy boundaries, understanding how you operate best as a person and moving in the world from a place of self-support. 

If you are picking up what I'm laying down here and this feels like something you are craving here are some questions/tips that you can begin to mull:

1) What are the pain-points in your life that leave you feeling frantic, fearful or frustrated? Identify three things and jot them down - the act of writing these down instead of having them in your head can be really powerful when it comes to remembering those triggers for you. Is it over-consuming social media that leaves you frantic? Is it a relationship that you know isn't good for your soul? Is it a responsibility in the home that you need to ask for help with?

2) What are the things that give you most fulfilment - when you feel most alive, energised, like yourself, at peace or supported? Again - write them down. How much space have you prioritised in your life for these things? Time is a choice and we have the power to fill our lives with the things that deserve to be there. 

3) What other intentional things can you filter into your life to feel like you are supporting yourself well? My friend Hannah talked beautifully on a podcast with Sas Petherick recently about how she supports herself through bouts of anxiety. It's a hugely important conversation and Hannah is so wise about how she views rest etc. Listen here for some of her tips.

As always, I'd really love to hear your thoughts on this. Have you found a way to operate from a place of rest in your life? Does it seem unachievable in our modern age? 

Top 6 Tips for an Ethically Mindful Christmas

There's no denying it.  Christmas is in the air. It seems to happen earlier and earlier as each year passes, doesn't it?  Harvest and Halloween pass and boom - before we can dump the rotten pumpkins in the food bin we are drawn right in to the twinkly festivities and the pressure is on.

Some of us (not me) are stealthily organised, buying gifts during the year, storing them away so not to panic when the Christmas music starts to blare through the speakers in the town centre – a serenade to indicate that time is running out and the countdown to Christmas is well and truly on.

Others of us are less prepared – hoping that perfect gift idea will fall on our lap, jump out at us in the shop or more likely on our screens, with more of us opting for the ease of online shopping now than ever before.

It can be an incredibly stressful time, with to-do and to-buy lists as long as your arm. It’s easy to get swept up in the madness of it all, counting it as part of the ‘buzz’ or ‘atmosphere’ but as we begin to join in with the festive lead up, maybe there is a different example we can take that steers us gently away from the hype and the flashing lights. Maybe there is a way more reflective of the Christmas Story we know and love so well that we can tune our ears and hearts to – one of generosity, peace and of justice.

How can we be more mindful of the world around us in a culture that steers us to only think about ourselves?

Christmas and all of the associated Western trappings can have some pretty awful side effects on the World; on people and creation.  The tonnes of waste through non-recyclable wrapping paper, decorations, boxes and gift bags, heaps of unwanted presents, loan sharks preying on the vulnerable and people wracking up huge amounts of debt to keep up appearances. Surely there is a better way to do things?

Choosing to have a more ethical Christmas does not have to take away from the beauty of gift-giving, in fact, it only enhances that beauty. Once we delve deeper into alternative, more ethical options we can see that how we spend our money can add to the beauty of belonging to each other, bringing true ‘Joy to the World’.  Tell me now if you are tired of the Christmas Carol puns.  I could do this for days.

So what does it mean to buy ethically? 

Buying ethically is choosing to be an active consumer, rather than a passive one.

Buying ethically means taking the time to find out who makes our stuff and if it’s made in a way that respects people and the planet.

Buying ethically gives the power back to the consumer and in turn empowers others.

Buying ethically is a statement – another way of living out what we believe; that we are all connected and we are all valuable.

Although we still have a long way to go in terms of supply chain transparency it has never been easier to be mindful of who and what we give our money to. Progress is slow but it is being made and where we put our money makes a difference.

I'm not here to give you another gift guide today.  There are so many of those, and we all have different taste, so instead I offer my thoughts & top tips on how we can make Christmas more mindful & ethical this year:

1) Set Boundaries

Have an open discussion with your family about presents this year. This is a biggie - get other people on board.  Suggest a Secret Santa style of gift-giving – where each person draws a name and buys for only that person? Maybe you decide together to set a price limit on gifts? The pressure to buy and spend a certain amount of money can really dampen the joy of giving so why not live a little lighter this year by having those conversations early. Make presence, not presents your priority this year.

2) Buy Small

Who are the independent makers in your area? Who is working hard at a craft that is often overlooked for faster cheaper versions? Websites like etsy.com and folksy.com are great for finding beautiful one-off gifts where the profit goes directly to the maker. You can buy jewellery, art prints, hand-knit items and ceramics, even narrowing down your search to your local area in the knowledge that you are supporting a small business in a society where biggest seems best. Christmas is also the perfect time to buy from the beautiful artisan and food markets that pop up in City centres and town squares. Seek out the makers. This is what the Indie Christmas Giveaway is about after all!

3) Buy Selectively

There are some excellent shops both on the high street and online that are committed to sourcing their products from the most transparent supply chains. Beautifully curated online stores like Decorators Notebook, The Future Kept, and Ethical Superstore are great for finding unique gifts as well as everyday items. Supporting shops that are deliberating championing fair-trade and more ethically certified products is a great way to get what you need without compromising on quality or style.

4) Buy Differently

A few years ago we decided to buy our family alternative gifts from well-known charities. We bought my parents a goat, my brother some chickens and our friends got a toilet! Thing is, this goat lived in India and was actually given to a family in India on behalf of my parents to supply them with milk to drink or sell on, the chickens were in Bangladesh and the toilet was given to a family in Cambodia. There are numerous charities that now have gift options like these: you can buy sanitation supplies with Oxfam, toilets with Tearfund, or cows with Christian Aid. Every gift, given in the name of your loved one, is making a massive difference to people in the worlds poorest nations. *disclaimer - see point 1 about getting family on board before going down this route! When they expect an iPod dock and "get" sanitation supplies, it might not be received in the manner you expect...!*

5) Do Your Homework

Maybe now is the perfect time to look at what companies and brands are treating people and the planet with respect? Who is paying a living wage? Which manufacturers are dedicated to not creating more waste that is ruining creation? Websites like ethicalconsumer.com are great for spot-checking items to see which brands are leading the way (some content requires a subscription but lots of it is accessed for free). They rate every kind of product from bicycles to toasters to guide you to the most ethical choice.

You might also want to check on the brands, companies and products that you are already enjoying and giving your money to. Lidl, Morrisons and Aldi have become the first major supermarkets in the UK & Ireland to pay their staff above the National Living Wage, which is a great example to other big chain stores. Marks and Spencer have also made big progress with their ‘Plan A’ – their commitment to helping protect the planet by sourcing responsibly, reducing waste and helping communities.

For your other favourite retailers, now is the time to look up their supply chain policies, corporate social responsibility policies and if they don’t have them – just ask! Send an email or contact the company through social media. As a paying customer, it’s your right to know!

6) Be Content

Much of our learning about choosing more ethically must be rooted in contentment with what we have. When we understand our privilege and can recognise how much we already have then we can make wiser choices when we spend our money. We must drown out the adverts and the noise that tells us contentment comes packaged up prettily underneath a tree and remind ourselves that true contentment comes from things we cannot touch or switch on.

Why not start by being more intentional about one or two of these things this year? If we each made decisions with a little more thought and purpose, we could collectively make some important statements.

A version of this post first appeared in Herald Magazine & contains affiliate links.

8 Things You Should Care About: Part II

Following on from yesterdays post about the different issues that we must consider when we want to do something about human trafficking, here are my second four. -  Gender Inequality

When you consider that 80% (US trafficking in persons report) of the transnational victims of human trafficking are women and girls we are forced to ask questions about equality of women around the world.  Many of us don't feel this inequality so vividly in our western lives but the undercurrents are there.

They are there when we challenge gender roles, they are there when we look at parenting styles, they are there when we open our newspapers, in the lyrics of songs on the radio and in the representation of women in our governments and boardrooms.  Unfortunately we still have a long way to go to and until we see brave men and women promoting, supporting and empowering each other in all areas of achievement, life and leadership, we cannot expect to see changes that particularly view females as weaker, easy targets and prey.  And that is just the challenge for more developed countries.

If we then take in the treatment and view of females in developing countries, you can see how trafficking thrives:

-  Dowry systems in South Asia put a price on girls from a young age, this tradition sets the girl up as saleable goods in her own eyes, and everybody else’s.

-  Many developing countries have traditional community attitudes and practices that tolerate violence against women.  This facilitates trafficking.

-  Nearly half of women in Uganda and more than half in Tanzania reported having been physically abused by a male teacher.  Education and opportunities are compromised.

-  Lack of legitimate and fulfilling employment opportunities for women, particularly in rural developing communities can lead to risky migration decisions.

Who are the women and girls around you?  Are you promoting their worth and value?  Are you encouraging them to lead?

-  Poverty

Traffickers exploit need. The people they prey on are those struggling with poverty, desperate to improve their lot in life. Whether it's a family in Dehli with 8 mouths to feed or a family in Derry barely surviving below the breadline; poverty is a brutal force that can drive people to desperation and give exploiters a green light.  We need to be tuned in to poverty around us if we want to see who could be vulnerable to being trafficked.  This isn't an exercise in scaremongering, but the reality is harsh.  How can you tackle poverty where you are?  It could be something simple like donating to a local food bank or hamper programme.   How can you tackle poverty around the world?  Keep up with organisations like Oxfam and Save the Children for ways to get involved or participate in their work.

-  Sexualisation

I've discussed the prevalence of over-sexualised music and imagery in the mass media on the blog before.  It's not a secret that we are ALL exposed and lured in by the sexy things of our culture.  It's like a car crash in the middle of the road and we're all snatching a nosey as we drive past.  Some stop to look longer than others - literally buying into meaningless sexualised culture provoked and promoted by sleazy outlets on our magazine racks, satellite tv stations and video games.  I'm bored of it all.  This culture of value on the most provocative headlines is wasting away our sense of worth and is turning people into commodities to be consumed.

Did you know that the average age of first Internet exposure to pornography is 11 years old?  ELEVEN.  Where do you even go from there?

The more we continue to let this issue spiral, the more responsible we all are for the desensitisation to sexual violence and the increase of exploitation.  Campaigns like No More Page Three are calling out the unnecessary and blatantly misogynistic traditions that most of us have come to accept - add your voice to this.  Where can we inject dignity and place value in our culture that redeems this?

-  Ethical Living

Do you buy stuff?  Do you know where it comes from?  You would be surprised to know how many of the everyday products we buy and use are contaminated by practices that exploit and abuse human rights.  It's a tricky business sourcing stuff that is made ethically but we can be wiser and more deliberate about our consumer habits.

Our family is committed to traffik-free chocolate - chocolate that is certified by Fairtrade/Rainforest Alliance/UTZ.  Stop the Traffik has been leading the way in campaigning the big chocolate companies and informing the masses:

'Over a third of the cocoa that makes the world's chocolate comes from the Ivory Coast, Africa. It's highly likely that the beans that make your favourite chocolate bar come from here.  Thousands of boys as young as 10yrs old, from the Cote D'Ivoire and neighbouring countries, are trafficked to pick and harvest these beans. Their freedom is taken and they are forced to work long hours on the cocoa plantations without receiving any money for their work. They are beaten and work in dangerous conditions using machetes to open the cocoa beans.'

It's just one small change, but if the average person spends £200 on chocolate a year, I know where I'd rather give my cash.  You can join in too - Stop the Traffik are calling people to action on this to mark EU Anti-Trafficking Day by signing up to a thunderclap to bombard one of the biggest chocolate companies to be accountable for promises they have made to make their chocolate 'traffik-free'.  DO IT HERE! 

Another go-to website for ethical information is Ethical Consumer.  It rates companies and brands based on several different criteria.  Find out where your stuff comes from.  Make sure you are contributing to this issue with your wallet.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on some of this stuff - do you agree?  What have I missed?  Do you feel like there is something within the last two posts that you can grab onto and do something about?  I hope you can.  We need you.