MANAGING FEAR WHEN YOU'RE MAKING BRAVE MOVES

Today, I want to talk about what to do when we need to make a brave move and we are feeling the fear. 

The reason I talk about fear so much is that I think that we have such a limited and maybe even negative attachment to it. And when we have that kind of view of something, and it shows up in our emotions or in our body, our associations can really view how we respond. And there are good reasons for that.

The fight, flight, freeze or fawn instinct is innate. It’s what we have become used to as humans to survive in the world – in a context of danger, in primitive years, that instinct would have protected us from harm around us. But it has moved in more modern contexts, where physical danger isn’t as common for survival, into emotionally dangerous situations.

Where it used to be that people associated fear with more physical danger, people now list their biggest fears as combination of both the physical things – snakes, spiders, planes etc to public speaking, failure – things that absolutely won’t kill us but that we feel with the exact same amount of intensity.

But this adrenaline filled emotion that comes with fight, flight, freeze or fawn doesn’t actually help us make decisions more clearly at all and so as the world has evolved from those responses being necessary to survival we need to adopt some new skills and tools to help us with the new fear triggers that come up for us. The ones that are highly conflated with potential fulfilment.

So we’ll notice that fear shows up loud and protective when we are moving towards something that is very precious to us. A dream we are moving in on, a piece of work we are excited about trying out, a deeply felt desire that we really long to pursue, a cause we believe we can maybe have an impact in.

It’s often these things that we feel most vulnerable about because they are often the things that really reflect our true desires. They come from a really true and aligned place in our body and soul and so to put them out there into the world where they can be criticised or judged feels as terrifying to us as if we are confronted with a sabre toothed tiger.

So we can see that fear triggers our inner protector or our inner guard and as long as we don’t venture to near the door of our desires then it stays at bay. But when we decide to edge out of our comfort zone, contemplate change or stretch ourselves a bit bigger, the guard or protector shows up and it can be pretty hysterical.

One of the misconceptions of moving towards our truest selves or our most honest, aligned desires that I think is important for us to know is that it will feel good or exciting when we’re on the right track when actually we are more likely to feel the discomfort or vulnerability of being honest and aligned.

And so we can expect that if we’re going to make some bold or brave moves in our lives or businesses or ideas, that we shouldn’t hold out for a sense of confidence. It’s likely not going to show up in the way you think it is. If you are waiting to feel confident about doing something brave before you do it – you might be waiting forever. Because the inner protector or inner guard is built within you to show up.

So we need to adopt some tools and skills to teach our brain that it is ready to evolve past the freeze, flight, flight and fawn.

The good news is that adopting some of these tools actually isn’t all that hard. So even the act of acknowledging that the fear showing up, being irrational and persistent and catastrophising can be enough for us to sooth its hysteria.

And there are a few other techniques I want you to feel free to check out as well.

+ GET CURIOUS

The miracle drug for treating fear. Curiosity simply wants to discover what is true. What about this situation that is bringing up fear could you get curious about? Ask yourself why this particular situation is making you feel fearful – dig deep and bring the questions further. Curiosity suffocates fear because they are different states of being and you can’t be in two states at one time. Curiosity can energise us, make us more playful and less intense about the situation. Be curious about what is causing you to stall, hide or be fearful about this next move. Even just the act of thinking with curiosity could loosen things up for you.

+ RECONNECT WITH YOUR DESIRE TO SERVE

When fear or scarcity shows up in your personal life, work or creative life – bring yourself back to why you wanted to do the thing you want to do – who you think will benefit from it, enjoy it and get something out of it, or who is it going to positively impact? Even if that person is you or your family – because you are doing something you enjoy you’ll be a more contented mother or partner. Focusing on those people or the bigger intent or purpose of your idea can bring you out of your fear and into action.

+ ANALYZE TRUTH, POSSIBILITY, PROBABILITY

Often we fear a really non-specific outcome. Get specific about the outcome you are worried about. Go into it and analyse if there is any truth to it. What evidence do you have that it is going to happen? You may find you can actually rationalise yourself out of that non specific fear. Is this fear a possibility? What do I know to be true about this thing I want to do and my capability to do it? Write out the truth about those things. Arm yourself with evidence in your favour.

+ FOLLOW THE FEAR TO THE END 

Probably not the most popular advice, but it really works. Play it out – play your fear realised out. What would actually happen if x or y failed. What are the implications. And then what. Often fear paralyses us by THREATENING the worse case scenario, without us thinking about what we would do if it was realised and when we do we actually can surprise ourselves with how resilient our thinking is about what we would do. We’d ultimately be OK. We would survive our fears. We would find a road through.

These are just a few tools that have hugely helped me when I’ve been feeling the fear about my next brave move. I hope they bring you some comfort and support so we can have more of your brilliant ideas out here in the world with us.

Also a quick reminder about my leadership accelerator programme.

It’s beginning again in September and I am starting to rally together the women who want to be part of this next group. Over 30 women have been through this 8 month business and leadership development programme with me.

Women running their own businesses, women running teams, solo entrepreneurs and freelancers. If you are a female business owner and you want to develop stronger business skills, healthier boundaries, deeper self-trust and have a locked down support system full of wisdom – this is the programme for you.

You can send me a message hello@melwiggins.com to get an info pack or check the show notes for the link to grab it.